Once upon a time I was a fourteen-year-old, and an adorable one at that, all innocent and cherub-like. When I was said fourteen-year-old I went on a school ski trip to Boston, Massachusetts. On this ski trip a lot of embarrassing things happened to me, or more accurately, I did a lot of embarrassing things. One of these embarrassing things was pretending to smoke a cigarette in front of my peers. I’m still not sure how I got away with such an obvious ruse... maybe they couldn’t believe an adorable cherub full of innocence could commit such a deception. Another embarrassing thing I did was urinating on the top of a ski peak in front of a horrified German family including a pre-teen daughter who was surely  scarred for life subsequently. This week’s column is going to be about the embarrassing thing that occurred when I tried to purchase a Nintendo Virtual Boy, something which is pretty embarrassing in itself.

Most of the trip was spent falling on my ass and being caught-up in huge ever-expanding snowballs, but one day we were taken to a local shopping centre, or ‘mall’ as you Fancy Dans call it. Most of my friends were held by the lure of the candy shops, full of artery-annihilating candies and sodas that hadn’t and have yet to reach the homeland. Being dangerously addicted to carving seconds out of time trials on Super Mario Kart at the time, I decided to investigate the video game store.

What greeted my young, naive eyes in the shop window was quite unexpected -- boxes upon boxes containing something called the Virtual Boy. You have to appreciate that this was before the days of mainstream Internet and no news of such a thing had reached the UK’s shores. What I did know was that this Virtual Boy was made by Nintendo, and I sure loved me some Nintendo. What I also knew was that it had come down in price from a staggering $175 to a paltry $25! A new Nintendo console that I could afford? This seemed to good to be a true (which it kind of was).

The shop-owner, clearly sensing the presence of a chump from a foreign land, revealed that the clearance was a one-off and the Virtual Boys were going to fly off the shelves at this preposterous price. He of course neglected to mention the ill-fated handheld’s cancellation. I was sold and then some, but in a weird twist of fate I realised I didn’t have the physical cash one me, having somehow neglected to bring it with me on a bloody shopping trip. The shopkeep politely informed me that his shop stayed open until late, but it was no use, as we had to return to our cabin within minutes and I was certain we wouldn’t stop by the mall again before flying back home. I slumped my shoulders and left the store in resignation.

On the coach journey back to the cabin I told a friend about what had happened. He thought a moment before informing me that I absolutely had to get my hands on a Virtual Boy. In his words: "So it’s like a Game Boy, but 3D? Mate, that is truly wicked." He was right -- I had to have this new, futuristic Nintendo console, and I had to have it before it reached the UK. If only I could’ve known...