Gaming’s Worst Xmas Guests

Yes, Christmas is a time for family, friends, and festive cheer. Also, thanks to the tradition of exchanging gifts, it’s a time for playing excessive amounts of brand new video games. With relatives often round to share in the fun – and just about everything else in the house – Xmas also becomes the season for huge family arguments. Little Sisters and Big Daddies don’t always get along like they do in the games and no doubt you’ll be fighting over use of the TV all night.

Sure, an overcrowded home brimming with drinks and disputes is one thing, but imagine if the Little Sisters, Big Daddies and other video game characters could take form for some festive dinner. You think your family is bad on Christmas Day? Next time you’re staring down the cross-hairs on your screen, just suppose your guest list was made up of the following: seven of gaming’s very worst Xmas guests.

Navi (Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

When selecting a fairy for the Christmas tree, think carefully about what you need. For sure, don’t be fooled by the magical, otherworldly glow of Navi. She might look great and she’s certainly useful in an adventure, but she’s also one of the most annoying things ever created. "Hey! Watch out! Listen! Hey! Hey!" she blathers on, and with the adventuring on the quiet she finds it even harder to shut up. "Hey! – quiet please, Navi. "Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!" – if she doesn’t shut up by the time Doctor Who’s on…

Balance Board (Wii Fit)

It’s likely some family member will comment on your weight this Christmas: ’you’ve grown’ or ’you’re looking well’ or ’look who’s been at the biscuit tin’. One guest in particular just takes the proverbial biscuit (out of my mouth): the Wii Fit Balance Board and its chirpy animated avatar constantly informing you on your weight. Yes, Balance Board, I did have a few drinks last night, and maybe I did have a little cheese-a-thon at 3 in the morning, so what? Besides, by measuring in at 5.3cm tall and 3.5kg in weight, the Balance Board’s Body Mass Index ain’t looking that good, the lardy hypocrite.

Larry Laffer (Leisure Suit Larry series)

Christmas parties are a social minefield at the best of times, but if the wrong people turn up it can be even more embarrassing. If your family, friends or colleagues are throwing a bash, under no circumstances should one Leisure Suit Larry be allowed entry. The infamous bachelor and sexual deviant is on a perpetual mission to get his end away at all costs and is more than likely to be is element at alcohol-fuelled Christmas parties. Let your guard or hair down and expect his woeful signature chat-up techniques (God help you if things go any further than that – Ed).

The Sims (Sims series)

Where to start? Discount any chance of decent conversation; whatever language you speak, The Sims are completely incomprehensible. To describe them as accident-prone would be a massive understatement. Turn your eyes for a second and you can expect them to have wet themselves or have broken the toilet. If one of them offers to help prepare Christmas dinner, whatever you do, don’t let them anywhere near the oven unless you want to see your kitchen go up in flames.

Tony Prince (GTA IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony)

Sure, he’s a fun guy, he’s more than likely to bring round some lavish gifts and probably some fine champagne. But therein lies the rub: life in the fast lane has taken its toll and Tony has some serious issues. Cut forward a couple of hours and several bottles later and Tony has hit way too many of the pills, is swearing violently at your nan, and waving a revolver at the tree, all whilst trying to figure which way is up and why he even came to your house for Xmas dinner in the first place.

Prince (Katamari series)

You stressed over selecting them, you battled the hordes of fervent shoppers to get them, you lovingly wrapped them up, and now you’re kicking back and looking forward to opening your own ones. Welcome the Prince into your home and you can wave goodbye to your presents and everyone else’s for that matter. He may appear to be nothing more than a tiny, painfully cute extra-terrestrial, but armed with the Katamari he will indiscriminately absorb all gifts, then everything in your house, including all the people and eventually even the sacred town of Bethlehem as well. Way to ruin Christmas, Prince.

Morrigan (Dragon Age: Origins)

It’s not the 1690s anymore, so in the name of equality we should really welcome witches into our homes. Exception should be made for Dragon Age’s Morrigan, however. She is exactly the type of girl you don’t want to bring home to meet the parents at a family get-together. Her skimpy robes completely redefine the term ’low-cut’ and she is completely incapable of speaking without sarcasm, so expect Mum to get riled up. Just wait until she morphs into a giant tarantula. What’s that, Morrigan? You disapprove (-6)? How about I disapprove (-7) and you sod off and take your side-boobs elsewhere? Fantastic.

Merry Xmas from TheGameReviews!

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