Like an abundance of women in the real world who rub us the wrong way (myself not included!), there are female characters who grind my gears excessively. Whether it’s because of their idiotic comments, abrasive personalities, or overall uselessness, I can’t stand these girls. Bear in mind you won’t see Princess Peach or Navi on this list — it’s a well-established fact that they’re some pretty obnoxious broads. So, without further ado, here are ten of the most annoying women in video games, at least from my experience.
"Why is it whenever someone says ‘with all due respect,’ they really mean ‘kiss my ass’?"
Sure, you might have felt for her after she saw the slaughter of her entire team, but as soon as she wormed her way into your party, the terror began. Her constant complaints about any non-human who so much as dared speak to your motley crew began to grate on my nerves only a few hours into the game. Upon speaking to her in the bowels of the Normandy, she’d share with you sob stories about her father and her many issues that, frankly, I didn’t care about. That was no excuse for her to shun new members of the crew. I surmise that’s she’s jealous of Liara and Tali, potential rivals for Shepard’s love. Though she is a deadly member of the team when you’re dispatched on different planets and she can hold her own in battle, she’s a nagging, suspicious you-know-what. I chose Liara instead. Take that, Ashley. Learn to be a little less xenophobic.
"Don’t worry, Talim! Believe in yourself!"
Never before has a Soulcalibur character annoyed me to the point of not wanting to play online matches because opponents (and pedophiles?) love little, innocent Talim. Not only is she similar to an RPG protagonist’s helpless, cherubic little sister, but she speaks in the third person. Unless you’re playing with a button-masher, every match faced against this pure little girl is nerve-wracking. She’s a speedy little cuss, and dual-blades don’t make matters much better. Though she isn’t a sex bomb like many of the other Soulcalibur characters, she grates on the nerves with her angelic personality and "never give up" spirit. It’s like Naruto, all over again.
8. Wendy Oldbag, Phoenix Wright
"You eat, you die."
The cranky old security guard featured in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney is extremely easy to hate. As a diehard fan of the alleged murder victim Jack Hammer, the entire case she stood witness for was a cavalcade of blame. The Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo, a popular television show, starred Hammer and co-star Will Powers as the "Steel Samurai." Going so far as to lie about what she saw, this old witch has it out for poor Mr. Powers. Refusing to allow Wright to search crime scenes, doctoring evidence, and making googly eyes at prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, reading more than a few of her lines was quite the task. Not only that, but she’s just a cackling old hen who likes to put down others. Someone needs to deflate this windbag.
The woman you endeavored so much to save in Donkey Kong was not, in fact, Peach. No, this woman was more helpless and useless than Princess Peach could ever be. Draped over Donkey Kong’s shoulder, she would scream and cry for Mario to come save her. That’s just about it. Frequent shouts of "HELP!" do not an endearing or interesting character make. So before you think of downing Peach again (though she is obnoxious as well), remember how useless Pauline was. I mean, couldn’t she have bitten Donkey Kong or at least tried her best to spit in his eye or something? Come on.
What kind of a pansy can’t put a fake gun to their head, pull a trigger, and evoke a Persona? Yukari Takeba, from Persona 3. Though outwardly bubbly, cheerful, and intelligent, when the going gets tough we see how useful she really is when she can’t even deal with learning to use the Evoker to summon Personas. She’s jealous, spiteful, and oh yeah, is in love with the protagonist. She’s also the main healer of the group of playable characters, which is an RPG inevitability. Her daddy issues are frequent throughout the entire game. And in the Persona 3: FES edition, we learn how truly angry she was toward android Aigis, who inherited the protagonist’s powers. Not only that, but man, is she a nag!
NO, I can’t spare a coin. I’m too busy outrunning guards and blending with scholars so the morons of the town don’t recognize me. Will you get out of my face already?! Does a shove in your language mean that I must be madly in love with you? NO! I don’t think that it does! Great, look what you’ve gone and done. Now they’re aware that I’m an assassin. I’ll look you up as soon as I counter-kill this huddle of guards. I’ll give you a bag of coins, alright — to the face.
"DON’T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME! GET THE F@!# AWAY FROM ME!"
Rather than lighting Humanz on fire, I wanted to take an improvised Molotov cocktail to this nagging, foul-mouthed, shrew of a character. It’s bad enough that Alone in the Dark featured some of the clunkiest, most awkward controls I’ve ever seen, but escorting this whiny tart around had me at my wit’s end. Nothing you do is good enough. And if it is, you’re not doing it fast enough! Failing that, you must be too stupid for her tastes. "YOU BETTER NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME!" Pshh. Don’t flatter yourself, honey. You’re just lucky I could barely control Edward, else it would have been you I had knocked out and drug to a fire pit.
As if being an anthropomorphic, pink hedgehog wasn’t enough, Amy is Sonic’s stalker of a "girlfriend." It seems her life’s goal is to stay by Sonic’s side through thick and thin, blah blah blah. Though she is a playable character in many of the Sonic games, she’s rarely found to be useful. Similar in personality to Princess Peach, Talim, and all the other innocent female characters, the only time she’s really angry is when her relationship with Sonic is threatened. In that, she’s like that girl who changed her ringtone so it would match yours exactly, and Googled all of your interests so that it would appear you both had a "connection." Of course, it just doesn’t compute for this ditzy hedgehog that Sonic’s not interested. Plus, he already has Tails. Duh.
Princess Daisy is little more than a palette-swap of Peach. For that reason alone, I find her sickeningly obnoxious. She has no real personality. She’s rumored to be madly in love with Luigi. If I were Peach, I’d get a restraining order on this harlot for trying to steal my life, because there are just too many coincidences. Also, what good has Daisy ever done for Mario and the gang? Oh, she was kidnapped in Super Mario Land. How awesome. At least Princess Toadstool has had the presence of mind to thwart many of Bowser’s plans, and can semi-defend herself. Get a life of your own, Daisy.
The way Ashley screams Leon’s name so often, you’d think something was going on besides the normal events of a survival horror title. Not the case. Ashley’s just completely incompetent. Not only are you protecting her whiny, snarky little behind, but when you’re forced to play as her, you’re basically defenseless, as the spoiled little president’s daughter can’t do much in the way of fighting. You could be cruising along doing extremely well in the game, and then out of nowhere, "HELP ME LEON!" and you know your success is about to come crashing down. So help me, if I can’t shoot the Ganado that’s carrying her away, it’s game ov– damn.