If you grew up in the early ’90s, chances are you have fond memories of you and a chum hacking-and-slashing and side-scrolling your way through Golden Axe on the Sega Genesis. That was nearly twenty years ago, old-timer.
That long time span makes Sega’s decision to revive the franchise with Golden Axe: Beast Rider seem strange and maybe ill-advised. After all, how many gamers even recognize the name Golden Axe? Secret Level promised us that Beast Rider would provide that same wonderful hack-and-slash gameplay but in three glorious dimensions for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. Sadly, when they informed us earlier this year that it wouldn’t have the co-op play the original was so revered for, many fans simply dismissed it as not being worth their time. Those fans were wrong to do so, however, as Golden Axe: Beast Rider is entirely dismissible exclusive of that omission. You could stick any title on this game and it would still stink.
That ‘bad game feeling’ pervades through Beast Rider right from the opening cinematic, which abruptly ends without transition, right through to the final one that cuts out mid-dialog. The presentation reeks of a title that got shipped before it was finished. Screen-tearing, mid-fight stuttering and slowdown, bitty animations, pop-ups and jagged edges all constantly rear their ugly heads. There are so many unnecessary invisible walls to be found that it almost feels sadistic. If it wasn’t for these issues, the graphics would actually be quite reasonable. They’re slightly lacking in hue, but that’s arguably to be expected from a title set in a Conan-esque universe. Sadly, those issues are very much there and they can significantly interfere with what’s meant to be fast-paced gameplay.
As for the story; it’s delivered in short but well-made cinematics, but there aren’t very many of them -- maybe just reaching double figures. All background exposition is in the form of text, specifically scrolls containing two or three short sentences about things you come across as you explore the world. This choice of storytelling is pretty archaic and very lazy, but when the plot is so vague and cliché maybe there’s an argument for "less is more." In these regards, Beast Rider is a very poorly presented product.
So what awaits beyond the non-existent polish? You play as Tyris, the bikini-clad swordswoman from the original Golden Axe, and you are tasked with taking down the evil Death Adder. You do so by fighting your way through his nefarious army of beasties with the help of your trusty blade, a bit of fiery magic, some beastly steeds of your own and the Golden Axe itself. You’ll travel through several worlds over the course of 15 to 20 hours, decapitate and dismember to your heart’s content. And you’ll do it all alone, too (minus said steeds). Golden Axe: Beast Rider can feel pretty lonely at times -- I wonder how they could have solved that problem, hmm?
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